Heart Attacks..and then it Breaks..

I was a free sparrow...
Out of my mummy's nest
All was wide, nothing narrow...
To see the world that's best..

My little wings spread wider...
I fell in love for the first time
The feeling made me fly even higher...
And my dreams started to climb.

One day the love was gone...
My flight was broken with heart break
I did not feel like living alone ...
I took myself into a sorry state.

But I woke up to Sunshine one day...
It made me realise that i am alive
Itrained myself to learn fyling ...
And again, my wings started to sway.

We all have love, heart breaks and pains associated with it at some point or the other. But those who realise the truth and accept it are the smart and sensible ones. Emotions can take you to a  high flight and then drop dead right on the ground, be in control of your emotions if possible. Not every one is lucky in love.

This thought came out of reading some excerpts from actress Jiah Khan's suicide note. It makes me feel so sad about her family. I wish she had courage to fly again. R.I.P Jiah Khan.

I Love MySelf

A confession. Not being humble.
I know it will make many feet tumble.
Oh! How arrogant, How Selfish.
Tell me... I die... you Wish...!!

Try it yourself,
Take your love out of that shelf
Where you have hidden it secretly
You cant only love friends and family.

Indulge, Pamper, Beware of you
Tender Love and Care will do.
Sometimes no one gives you what you wanted.
Because they take you forever granted.  

Bhago Gulabo AAyi

She is flambouyant, natural entertainer and a great gossiper. Gulabo personifies complete entertainment.

Golabo can turn around a lame, gloomy scene to an extravaganza of fun and masti. What ever you do, she is the best at it.

Is this Rakhi Sawant, Sunny Leone or Poonam Pandey, no its my imaginative self who has come out to the world and ready to communicate. She thinks differently and has different answers to everything. Completely different to me.

For example:

If you ask me a question like Hi, how are you? Had a nice weekend?
I woild say, Hi, I am good, How are you. Yes I had a nice break, how about you.

But Here's Gulabo's answer to the same question:

How does it matter if I had a nice weekend or not. I am here to work and that's what matters, who the hell cares that I had to cook for 15 unwanted people and run after their monster like kids spoiling my new house.

So feel free to ask Gulabo any questions that you have for her.

Colours

Definition of a Colour:
C- Can
O- Overide
L- Lots
O - Of
U - Unexplained
R - Remorses


So its time to colour everything inside out and forget your remorses and misunderstandings.

To simply explain: GIVE YOUR EGO A BREAK.

Enjoy Holi, with visible colours like Gulal, flowers, kesar or invisible colurs like love, forget, forgive, and happiness.

For You - Mum - Happy Birthday!

Look at me...
I am you from head to Toe
People tell me...
I am you ..whereever I go...

I am so proud that I am you...
Life has made it not possible
Forever to be with you..
You are inside me if i am not with you...

Your presence even a thousand miles away matters
Bless me with everything that makes you

So loving, humble, forgiving, selfless

Pass me on these ,I want to turn into you

Happy Birthday to You
Mum, I love you

Part 2 - Gulab Enters Girls Hostel

Sarita Ben wondered in complete discomfort as she looked at a young beautiful girl dressed in a pathani suit and a vest  of black colour. She was wearing a weird hat to cover her head and was completely messy with flat nails and hair grown over her hands and forehead and lips and moreover she was not wearing any bressier, she could clearly see the "swagat Baniyan" written under her cotton kurta.


Sarita Ben told her, “the society in which we live in, needs us women to look and behave in a certain manner, I don’t know from where you are coming to this city, but if you are a woman and stay like this, the city will not help you in any way”.

Sarita Ben shouts loudly, “Autooooooooo….” And a Rikhsaw Walla comes charging right in as if he was waiting for his turn to pick up the girls. She then orders the Auto walla in a gujrati tone, ‘Chalo…Shanti niketan bal ghar’.

Gulab’s ordeal had begun right from the moments she steps into the Bal Ghar, it should actually be named as Chudail Ghar. Poor Gulab was stuck in the crowd of mean bitches that she never dreamt that she could face in her life. She was being questioned on her sexuality, some even tried to molest her by asking her to remove her clothes and prove that she was a girl and not a gay or something like that.

Their faces revolved around her eyes at night, she was shy and in fact scared to leave her room, she merely had dinner and rushed back to her room. She was the back bencher in the classroom because even the teacher used to question her. Once when she introduced her name, the English Teacher, Miss Phoolwarna Kaur told her, “Your name is a bi sexual name, Gulab, who are you”, making it even easier for the students to take it from there and throw some more cheap jokes around. She was in shock, as for her a woman was like Sarita Ben, who was mature and beautiful and helful in nature.

Or the other woman she knew before meeting Sarita Ben was Sridevi. Probably because all the men in her village were smitten by Sri. For Gulab, Sridevi eptomises a woman, who is beautiful, sings and dances, fights bad men and helps poor people. But in this hostel, she could not find even one woman who was close to Sridevi.

It was getting too much for the poor girl to handle all this; she decided to go to Sarita Ben for help. She knocked at the staff quarters where Sarita lived. “Who’s there, please come in.”

Gulab entered the room with light steps, slightly uncomfortable and wondering where to begin. “So, you want to go to the beauty parlour with me?” Gulab was surprised with this question being thrown at her right at the beginning. “Hmmmm…I was thinking that”.

“I knew it, that you would need this, well you have come to the right place, I have my own beauty parlour in this quarter where all the girls from the hostel come for their beauty chores.”

“When can we start?” asked a very excited Gulab with a never before zing in her voice. “We can start very soon after you decide your package.”

“Package? What package”, does beauty come in a package?

Sarita Ben smiled and replied with a hand on Gulab’s Shoulder, “yes, my dear, it’s a package, see what you want from this list”.

Sarita Ben showed her a list of beauty packages:

1. Facial, Waxing, Eyebrows – 2000/

2. Waxing, pedicure, manicure – 1000/

3. Bleach, haircut, hair style – 3500/

4. Face Mask, Acrylic nails, Body Massage - 1500/

Poor Gulab was taken a back after reading these prices. She politely refused Sarita Ben, and went back strolling with the list to her room. She kept on thinking throughout the night; she was imagining herself with all the beauty packages applied to her. The cost of this makeover was too much for her as she felt that she needed everything.

Next morning, she was sitting right in the corner of the window with a newspaper in her hand and a cup of tea in the other. She noticed an advertisement for a beauty assistant and most importantly it read “People without any experience can also apply here”. She thought that it could be a very good way of learning the beauty tricks and also earn some money to get her makeover done.

My Incomplete Story - Gulab

Started to write this story..but didn't get time to complete it...

“Abbe saale kutte do it properly, nahi to kaat ke haath me de doonga”. “Chal yahan se baag saale ullu ka ….”. Such are the voices that you hear from the Mardana village in Uttar Pradesh where one can find only men. Strange enough, there are no women in the village. A few years back, all the women went to the women’s fair in the village and all of them got burnt and charred except one girl child who was left behind by the mother on stairs of the temple.


She is a grown up young and beautiful girl today. Her name is Gulab. She was adopted by the eunuch named Santram. After that incident, no more girls were born because there were no women in the village to give birth and to get married to. Every man had an option of getting married again, but none of them wanted to hurt the souls of their dead wives. They had a superstition that the souls of dead women are roaming around and would kill them if they try to marry again. The belief was triggered when a man tried to get married and died due to the fire lit by the humble earthen lamp in front of her dead wives photograph.

She was the darling of the village and brought up like a boy so that no one ever places a bad eye on her due to lack of women in the village. She was a protected child, only the village priest and the eunuch knew that she was a girl, everyone else had an impression that Gulab is a gay boy because of his lady like body language. Her guardian is careful enough not to let do any girly things like growing up long hair, threading, using kaajal and other cosmetics. Because, she fears that once anyone knows that there is a woman in the house they will rape her or sell her for money.

As Gulab was growing up, her beauty and womanhood was becoming more and more obvious. It became very difficult for the Eunuch to hide it from the villagers; hence she decided to send her to the city for higher studies.

On a foggy morning, when the dawn is about to break out, eunuch stands near the road with a small hand bag and holding a fragile wrist in another hand. She kisses her forehead and blesses her with eyes full of tears and hands over the bag in her sleek girly hands. She steps into the bus which moves away friskily. Gulab was all charged up for her City journey where she would be spending her most of the formative years of adulthood. She sleeps with the handbag on her lap and is woken up by the bus conductor when she reaches the city of dreams and the capital of India – Delhi.

Delhi was a big city with so many people, and who they are...wearing something different than a pant, She has never seen them in the village. She has only seen women on TV and in the films. All this while when she is wandering around the bus stop, a finely dressed lady calls her name in a very polite voice, “Gulab…are you Santrams daughter?” And she said in a very coarse and rough manner,”Yes, I am, maa told me a woman will come to take me to the hostel, are you a woman”?

The woman replies with a little disturbed voice, “Yes, I am a woman, can’t you see…and by the way my name is Sarita Ben”.

Gulab was in awe of Sarita Ben when she noticed her from tip to toe. She was wearing a yellow Gorgette saree, with a long braid dancing along with her hips, her hands were so delicate and beautiful looking with red nail paint, and she was wearing earrings that dazzled like diamonds when they shone in the Sun Shine.

Gulab was watching her very carefully and liked her so much that she stared asking her wearied questions that no one ever answered her before in the village. She comes closer to Sarita Ben and asks her, “Are all Women dressed up like you, how do you look like a woman, I know I am a woman, but I do not look like it at all