For You - Mum - Happy Birthday!

Look at me...
I am you from head to Toe
People tell me...
I am you ..whereever I go...

I am so proud that I am you...
Life has made it not possible
Forever to be with you..
You are inside me if i am not with you...

Your presence even a thousand miles away matters
Bless me with everything that makes you

So loving, humble, forgiving, selfless

Pass me on these ,I want to turn into you

Happy Birthday to You
Mum, I love you

Part 2 - Gulab Enters Girls Hostel

Sarita Ben wondered in complete discomfort as she looked at a young beautiful girl dressed in a pathani suit and a vest  of black colour. She was wearing a weird hat to cover her head and was completely messy with flat nails and hair grown over her hands and forehead and lips and moreover she was not wearing any bressier, she could clearly see the "swagat Baniyan" written under her cotton kurta.


Sarita Ben told her, “the society in which we live in, needs us women to look and behave in a certain manner, I don’t know from where you are coming to this city, but if you are a woman and stay like this, the city will not help you in any way”.

Sarita Ben shouts loudly, “Autooooooooo….” And a Rikhsaw Walla comes charging right in as if he was waiting for his turn to pick up the girls. She then orders the Auto walla in a gujrati tone, ‘Chalo…Shanti niketan bal ghar’.

Gulab’s ordeal had begun right from the moments she steps into the Bal Ghar, it should actually be named as Chudail Ghar. Poor Gulab was stuck in the crowd of mean bitches that she never dreamt that she could face in her life. She was being questioned on her sexuality, some even tried to molest her by asking her to remove her clothes and prove that she was a girl and not a gay or something like that.

Their faces revolved around her eyes at night, she was shy and in fact scared to leave her room, she merely had dinner and rushed back to her room. She was the back bencher in the classroom because even the teacher used to question her. Once when she introduced her name, the English Teacher, Miss Phoolwarna Kaur told her, “Your name is a bi sexual name, Gulab, who are you”, making it even easier for the students to take it from there and throw some more cheap jokes around. She was in shock, as for her a woman was like Sarita Ben, who was mature and beautiful and helful in nature.

Or the other woman she knew before meeting Sarita Ben was Sridevi. Probably because all the men in her village were smitten by Sri. For Gulab, Sridevi eptomises a woman, who is beautiful, sings and dances, fights bad men and helps poor people. But in this hostel, she could not find even one woman who was close to Sridevi.

It was getting too much for the poor girl to handle all this; she decided to go to Sarita Ben for help. She knocked at the staff quarters where Sarita lived. “Who’s there, please come in.”

Gulab entered the room with light steps, slightly uncomfortable and wondering where to begin. “So, you want to go to the beauty parlour with me?” Gulab was surprised with this question being thrown at her right at the beginning. “Hmmmm…I was thinking that”.

“I knew it, that you would need this, well you have come to the right place, I have my own beauty parlour in this quarter where all the girls from the hostel come for their beauty chores.”

“When can we start?” asked a very excited Gulab with a never before zing in her voice. “We can start very soon after you decide your package.”

“Package? What package”, does beauty come in a package?

Sarita Ben smiled and replied with a hand on Gulab’s Shoulder, “yes, my dear, it’s a package, see what you want from this list”.

Sarita Ben showed her a list of beauty packages:

1. Facial, Waxing, Eyebrows – 2000/

2. Waxing, pedicure, manicure – 1000/

3. Bleach, haircut, hair style – 3500/

4. Face Mask, Acrylic nails, Body Massage - 1500/

Poor Gulab was taken a back after reading these prices. She politely refused Sarita Ben, and went back strolling with the list to her room. She kept on thinking throughout the night; she was imagining herself with all the beauty packages applied to her. The cost of this makeover was too much for her as she felt that she needed everything.

Next morning, she was sitting right in the corner of the window with a newspaper in her hand and a cup of tea in the other. She noticed an advertisement for a beauty assistant and most importantly it read “People without any experience can also apply here”. She thought that it could be a very good way of learning the beauty tricks and also earn some money to get her makeover done.

My Incomplete Story - Gulab

Started to write this story..but didn't get time to complete it...

“Abbe saale kutte do it properly, nahi to kaat ke haath me de doonga”. “Chal yahan se baag saale ullu ka ….”. Such are the voices that you hear from the Mardana village in Uttar Pradesh where one can find only men. Strange enough, there are no women in the village. A few years back, all the women went to the women’s fair in the village and all of them got burnt and charred except one girl child who was left behind by the mother on stairs of the temple.


She is a grown up young and beautiful girl today. Her name is Gulab. She was adopted by the eunuch named Santram. After that incident, no more girls were born because there were no women in the village to give birth and to get married to. Every man had an option of getting married again, but none of them wanted to hurt the souls of their dead wives. They had a superstition that the souls of dead women are roaming around and would kill them if they try to marry again. The belief was triggered when a man tried to get married and died due to the fire lit by the humble earthen lamp in front of her dead wives photograph.

She was the darling of the village and brought up like a boy so that no one ever places a bad eye on her due to lack of women in the village. She was a protected child, only the village priest and the eunuch knew that she was a girl, everyone else had an impression that Gulab is a gay boy because of his lady like body language. Her guardian is careful enough not to let do any girly things like growing up long hair, threading, using kaajal and other cosmetics. Because, she fears that once anyone knows that there is a woman in the house they will rape her or sell her for money.

As Gulab was growing up, her beauty and womanhood was becoming more and more obvious. It became very difficult for the Eunuch to hide it from the villagers; hence she decided to send her to the city for higher studies.

On a foggy morning, when the dawn is about to break out, eunuch stands near the road with a small hand bag and holding a fragile wrist in another hand. She kisses her forehead and blesses her with eyes full of tears and hands over the bag in her sleek girly hands. She steps into the bus which moves away friskily. Gulab was all charged up for her City journey where she would be spending her most of the formative years of adulthood. She sleeps with the handbag on her lap and is woken up by the bus conductor when she reaches the city of dreams and the capital of India – Delhi.

Delhi was a big city with so many people, and who they are...wearing something different than a pant, She has never seen them in the village. She has only seen women on TV and in the films. All this while when she is wandering around the bus stop, a finely dressed lady calls her name in a very polite voice, “Gulab…are you Santrams daughter?” And she said in a very coarse and rough manner,”Yes, I am, maa told me a woman will come to take me to the hostel, are you a woman”?

The woman replies with a little disturbed voice, “Yes, I am a woman, can’t you see…and by the way my name is Sarita Ben”.

Gulab was in awe of Sarita Ben when she noticed her from tip to toe. She was wearing a yellow Gorgette saree, with a long braid dancing along with her hips, her hands were so delicate and beautiful looking with red nail paint, and she was wearing earrings that dazzled like diamonds when they shone in the Sun Shine.

Gulab was watching her very carefully and liked her so much that she stared asking her wearied questions that no one ever answered her before in the village. She comes closer to Sarita Ben and asks her, “Are all Women dressed up like you, how do you look like a woman, I know I am a woman, but I do not look like it at all

I am a Happy Girl Today

Because:

1. My Mom and Dad are Living with me right now.

2. Because the Bad dream where I saw myself being forcefully married Shatrugan Sinah was a Dream. ThankGod For that! Little More on it..

I am waiting for my husband and then I recieve a message from him that he is waiting for me till 9.00 am. If i can make it than I am with him or otherwise he will move. I am trying to call him..but my fingers did not work on that key pad. And everyone thinks that I should be married again. And I am married to none other than Shatrugan Sinah from my grand maa's house where she took her last breath.

Next cut when I am sitting with my mom and discussing that was dream. (This is a dream still continuing..) I am saying'"Mum...ye dream hi tha naa" and got no answer from mum...i am asking her repeatedly but she doesnot reply. I was so scared that I was almost skipping my hearbeats while dreaming..And thank God for the Alarm bell. It told me that it really was a dream! :)  I am laughing out loud while imagining it..but it was really scary and I still can feel my emotions and jitters!!!

3. My Clothes are fitting me better...the tighest skirt is fitting me perfectly ..infact loose.
4. Had a great coffe and buttered toast to treat myself.

Symphony Called Mother and Father

A sweet symphony can be heard in my house with the presence of my mother and my father who are united with me after 2 years.

The feeling is almost escatic, over the cloud and really so unrealistic. Because I could never imagine that they would live with me in person in my home since I had no plans of going back the day I entered Australia.

It is true that God cannot be everywhere so he sent one mother and one father for all. They keep parenting us no matter how old we grow. They are like cool shelters when you come from a hard and crappy day at office.

I am enjoying seeing them, there presence in front of my eyes is exhilrating and hearting fulfilling. I wish they could stay with me forever but nature has its own way. We can just hope and think of some things but practically they cannot be possible always.

I am really thankful that they came to bless me and my husband in our home. I am taking care of everything but still I am really sorry mummy and papa if at any point you or papa feel hurt. Because I know that you will never show it on your face.

Your love and care for this short period of time will keep me going for a long time. You have just added fuel to my life's vehicle. Lots of Luv.

Mum Dad Coming to Sydney

How do I feel?

Feel like. ..I dont know...something never felt before because I have never stayed without meeting them for so long. Two years ago they came to the Indira Gandhi International Airport to see me off to Sydney.

And now I am going to recieve them here! It feels really different, happy, anxious, nervous, amused...

Ofcourse happy to see them and be with them, but anxiously waiting for them to reach here and nervous because I am a married woman now..with my husband with me always.

I have never been like this in front of them...have I matured enough? There were years when I was their baby, little girl who could not move without them, now they are coming to live in my home. Thats so strange...It is hard to explain that feeling.

Will my mother and father be happy the way we connect as a couple? Will they be able to connect to my husband? He is a fantastic ice breaker, but still some where I am a little worried...may be that's natural. I hope there are no embarrasing moments...

I have to give equal attention to all. The onus is upon me to make everyone feel comfortable because I am the only connecting point between four of us.

I am looking forward to make these few days the best ones for my parents and for me also, because no one will ever get to relive those moments and I dont want to leave any stone unturned.

Look at that Fatso! ...You are getting Fatter!...You look like a baloon!

Well Well...

It is well understood what I am going to talk here about. Yes it is the issue of obesity or being fat. Many of you would have gone through these comments if you are a bit plump and look chubby. There is nothing bad in being comfortable with-in our skin, but comments like that make you feel like hell.

I am going through the same stage. I have gained a significant ammount of weight after my marriage but have always had tendency to be on a heavier side. I am at my fattest right now.

I am really concerned about my health and we so called 'Fat' people are not fat by choice. Many of us do not binge on chips and coke all day. I not even see these things, still I am fat. Can someone ask the 'slim' people what extra do they do stay the way they are. I appreciate the ones with a heridity and genes to get fat and are maintaining them. But usually, the people who dont get fat, see it easier to hit someone with a bit of fat on their butts.

Recently I posted some pictures on facebook and the first comment I get from a relative is "Your husband is looking weak" with you. What a bad sense of humor and poor attempt at sarcasm to tell me that I look fat with their slim brother.

It may have been said unconciously, but for me, he hit the most painful nerve in my body. This is something very personal and very sensitive to me. I am not fat by choice, I avoid all those things that you just eat out of fun. For me, there is no fun out of eating, I have to think about every bite that I put in my mouth.

I have a healthier life style than most of you who poke fingers in my fat belly. Be human to people who are not slim by nature. Do not treat them as a subject to your fun at the cost of their ego and self respect.

Think about a medical condition, heridity or acute stress he/she could be going through. Just because God blessed you with a superfast metabolism, does not mean that you can go out and make fun of the ones who dont have it.

Valentine's Day Special

When Saint Valentine sacrificed himself for the Jailor's daughter, little did he know would make him so famous to celebrate a day in his Name.

Well, I have been hearing things that Every Day is a Valentine day or What's the harm in celebrating love one day of the year.

A lot of contradicting statements. I know I tell him that I Love Him everyday. But I would like to take this day as an opportunity to tell him why is he so important to me, how much my life has changed since you came,

I have a stable shoulder to fall back upon and rest my worries away. I have a companion that no one else can be compared to, I have the love that is unlike any other love, I did not realize till you came, but since you have filled that Void, I realize how empty was I with in without you. No flowers and gifts, just the reassurance that you are there does this for me. Happy Valentines My Love.

When 'She' was Walking on the Street in Delhi

When 'She' was walking on the street, dreaming about the new life that was going to come to her lap out of her womb, monsters took her away and did the most henious and ruthless thing ever.

Man...it is proven that when a woman is walking free on the streets of India especially the proud rape Capital - Delhi, the predators take it as an invitation. No matter 'She' is a kid, Woman, normal or handicapped or even Nine Months Pregnant.

Shame, Shame *1000000 times on the three boys aged, 19, 20 and 21 who gang raped a 9 Months pregnant woman with a Polio disabled leg. I am again at loss of words, really struggling to find words and trying to understand the savaged psychology of those men who had the courage to rip apart the modesty of a mother-to-be!

They will perish in hell and will always be betrayed by women in their lives and will always regret their crime when they will suffer from a life threatening and ugly disease. They can get Sex whenever they want because they have an organ to dominate a woman and make her vulnurable. They may be proud of their filthy worthless Manhood.

But let me make it clear to all the Men who are very proud to bring a woman beneath them, you will never get love and respect from your woman. She will betray you because you will never give or ask her more than just Sex.

I dont believe in Hell, but if there is a Hell anywhere, it would be much better than Delhi because in Hell, people are punished for their crimes and sins but in Delhi innocent women are raped and scarred for life by cheap & impotent men to have fun at the cost of someones psyche. I hate Delhi for this. C'mon Men show some real Manhood by protecting and providing some lady, have'nt heard it in years someone doing that in India.

I may be going crazy, but this is all I can do.

Why do I Love ..the ones I Love???

Loving my Loved ones comes naturally
Even if they do not agree with every thing I say...
I do not expect them to say yes immediately
I just want them to listen without reaching to any conclusion per se..


Loving my Loved ones is inevitable
Something I am not in control off..
It is one thing that makes me misreable
And all I want is their Love to pay off...


Loving my loved ones is effortless..
This is what keeps me going in an alien land
Loosing them is the biggest fear, here I confess...
Amen, may there be someone forever to hold my hand